Pondering: The Great Doubt
It has been an interesting journey these last few months. My practice and my approach to practice has evolved over these last few months. Or dare I say gained a great deal of clarity?
I keep wondering why? The great question of Why. The Great Doubt as it is called in Zen. My class the Lam Rim Chenmo (in depth analysis of Tsonkhapa’s 3 books compromising The Great Treatise on the Stages of the Path to Enlightenment) is winding down. For a time I was nervous of it being over and nothing else on the horizon. No new great ocean of wisdom to dive into and ponder. But what we should really ponder ... now is the question.
I’ve always held any type of metaphysics at arms length. I adopt a skeptical agnostic approach. Like the Buddha, I don’t attempt to answer unanswerable questions. If there is no way of knowing whether something is “true” or not how useful is it to ponder?
I try my best to keep those as open questions.
An example is rebirth. The arguments for rebirth are well thought out. That each mind moment’s principle cause is the mind moment that immediately is proceeding it. My current thought’s principle cause is the prior thought immediately before it. That’s difficult to argue against. Very logical. The argument for rebirth then would state when was the “first” thought. There wasn’t one. The Buddhist term is beginingless time. There was no “first” thought because all thoughts are simply movements in the stream of the Mind that has always existed. We step from logic into “sounds good” euphemism. Its convincing as far as it can go but there is not and I doubt there ever will be sound proof supporting such a statement.
Tibetan Buddhist argue (pretty sternly) that without rebirth karma looses its potency if not its meaning. But I have to wonder if thats really true. Karma again is quite logical. Its the law of cause and effect. The same law that proves that each mind moment’s principle cause is the previous mind moment. That without the 10,000 causes there would be no flower. That if I stoke the fires and hate and violence in my Mind by allowing myself to act on them they become more prevalent and more uncontrolled. That if I say something hurtful to you, it is likely that you will not like it. Karma doesn’t have to be metaphysical to be true and useful.
The metaphysical part is attached to rebirth (principally - you can get into all kinds of magic powers if you wanted too). Karma is the force that keeps us coming back into samsara (this colorful world full of suffering). Karma must be exhausted, used up, including all good karma, before we are allowed to become non-returners. But if I have done bad things or good things and hence have bad karma or good karma when I die... isn’t death enough of a repayment (for doing good things its a bit harsh)? Is this life of samsara so awful its a punishment worse than death? Thats worth a ponder.
I’ve meditated for quite a while. For about 8 years in the kriya yoga format working with chakras and now about 17 years in different forms of Buddhist meditation. The one that rings the truest for me is skikantaza - or just sitting. Following and then not following the breath. Just sitting in awareness without focusing on any particular object. Thoughts are initially disturbing but then become like quite murmurs in the dark. Just as I sit here and type and do not “not” listen to the music playing, I do not “not” pay attention to those thoughts. Sure we all get caught by them constantly and drift off into mental oblivion but we remember and come back to just that place we are occupying right now. I attempt to follow this practice through out my day. Always attempting to wake up to the magnificence of the ordinary right now.
There are thousands of meditation types. From elaborate tantras that by visualizing yourself as a diety, you radiate and embody that diety’s vast qualities to concentrating single pointedly on a spot of your body. Or the grace inspired by prayers to an Other?All of them are useful and wonderful but none has ever resonated with me more than just sitting. Once again in the face of so many choices I have to ponder what is real. What connects me most to the blood and bone of the human condition? How necessary is it to create a magical sacredness when sacredness exist already? Some would say that we need to begin with the magical to train ourselves to larger views. I have to ponder that.
As I look outside at the desert mountains with its austerity and profound beauty I have to wonder why do we feel we need anything else? The world is so beautiful and so full of an ordinary magic that it doesn’t require any type of metaphysical overlay. I often ponder how wonderful it would be to be one of those people that readily dives into magical realms with acceptance. But to me that would be just another delusion. And as the Vow goes “Delusions are inexhaustable and I vow to end them. Or at least ponder the possibilities.
Oh. The other day I got a message from my boss about my new partner at work (the pharmacist I will work with). Her name is Saka. The date was was June 4th - which happens to be the Buddhist holiday of Saka Dawa - the day celebrating the Buddhist birth, enlighenment and parinirvana. So maybe there is something else to ponder.
Chad
